The Annoying Clan


There are people I'm encountering with more and more frequency who would make even Andy Rooney more dyspeptic than he is. I know you've seen them. You must be familiar with:

• The people with backpacks who completely fail to compensate for their artificial hump, thereby knocking you silly every time they turn around. They are especially damaging in airplane aisles.

• The woman in the checkout line waiting in stone silence while a half-ton of purchases are rung up, who is shocked to hear the cashier ask for money, and then rummages through a 12 cubic foot carry-all to find the cash.

• Speaking of which, who are these people who pay for $2.95 in charges with a check, necessitating a driver's license, call to the manager, and a blood test? No one should be allowed to write a check in public for less than $50.

• The receptionist who screams "Please hold!" as soon as she picks up the phone, leaving you stranded when all you needed was an extension number.

• The hotel desk clerk who sees you approach at ten at night with a bellman carrying three of your bags and incredibly asks, "Checking in?" (No, I'm walking my luggage.)

• The linguistically-challenged airline flight attendants who insist on wishing us the best at our "final destination." I hope they can handle the emergency exits better than they can speak. Who knows, there could be an accidental, unforeseen, unprecedented, unanticipated accident.

• Anyone who says the appalling "Between you and I…." and in particular, TV news people.

• The rambler who interjects sentences with "You know what I mean?" and "You get what I'm saying?" and won't continue unless you affirm you're keeping up with the turgid pace.

• That irritating clod who asks a question just as the instructor says, "Well, if there are no more questions, let's adjourn," or has one more comment when someone suggests, "Why don't we move on?"

• All of the technical illiterates who believe that a cell phone doesn't work unless you shout into it, and that shouting even louder will overcome interference.

• The store clerk or bank teller who says, "There you go," instead of, "Thank you." (There I go out the door never to return.)

• Terminally self-absorbed people who walk four abreast down the sidewalk or concourse, preventing anyone from exceeding their snail-like pace.  (They can provide a final destination on a ski trail.)

• The guy who stops an elevator in a 40-story building to go down one floor.

• The legislator who decided that everything must be in Braille, including elevator floors in parking garages.

• The service mavens who insist on a gazillion follow-up calls to check on service but nothing ever changes or improves.

• The family sitting next to you at the posh restaurant using silverware as it it's medieval weaponry

You don't know these folks?  Oh, oh....